A few weeks ago, I signed up to run a half marathon race. I trained for the race all summer and was eager to feel the sense of accomplishment that comes from crossing a finish line. Running is therapeutic for me, and I delight in the physical and mental challenges of long-distance running. The race week finally came, and I had been working with my dermatologist to test a new skin medication. After a week, I discovered that it was not a good fit, because the day before the race my face and eyes were completely swollen and covered in a blotchy rash. I sadly had to forfeit the race and I felt incredibly disappointed. 

At this point I had a choice: I could either let go of the goal and move on, or I could make one more attempt. I chose the latter and resolved to simulate a “race” on my own two weeks later. When the day finally came, the weather could not have been more perfect. The clouds held back their rain, sunlight shone down from the blue skies, the air was crisp, cool, and not too hot; these were perfect conditions for a couple of hours of running. I did the run with my dad, who joined me on his bike in an area near our family home. The trail is filled with a variety of beautiful trees, mosses, ferns, leaves, and more. I often saw small creatures like rabbits, birds, and squirrels scampering along as I passed them by. While I did not set a “personal record” for my pace, I gave my very best for that day and with that effort, I am satisfied. 

During the run and afterward, I had some time to reflect. Previously I had made a very specific plan, to run a race on a certain day and time. That plan fell apart due to some unforeseen circumstance. I certainly felt disappointed, confused, and even like I had failed somehow due to circumstances that were out of my control. The beautiful truth that I discovered while I was running was that God had something different in mind for me, and it was so much better than what I had planned. What God had more me helped me grow in my character and my faith.

This experience made me think of the biblical account of Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus in John 11:1-44. The story opens with Mary and Martha sending word to Jesus about their brother, saying, “Lord, the one you love is sick,” (v.3) Instead of going to heal him right away, or even healing him without being there in person, Jesus waits before he sets out to reach Lazarus. Jesus allowed Lazarus to die when it was fully in his power to prevent his death. In her anguish, the first thing out of Martha’s mouth when Jesus arrives is this, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died,” (v.21) You can feel the grief, loss, sadness, and frustration in her words. But the very next thing she says is this, “But I know that even now, God will give you whatever you ask.” (v.22)

As someone who has experienced disappointment in life, I resonate with Martha. The sudden loss of her beloved brother has cut her soul deep with grief, yet at the same time, she is likely feeling confused, perplexed, and frustrated. Was Jesus really who he claimed to be? If he was, why did he stand by and do nothing? In this tumultuous season, I can see how easy it would be for seeds of doubt to take root in her heart. But yet, Martha’s faith and trust in Jesus is even stronger than her doubt and fear. Jesus does not dismiss her and Mary’s emotions; he weeps with them over Lazarus’ death. He never once invalidates their sadness, confusion, or frustration. He meets them where they are and he weeps. In the end, Jesus performs a miraculous healing and raises Lazarus from the dead, but only after they have wept together. Can you imagine how this experience deepened their faith? 

In an ideal world, Lazarus would not have died at all. Jesus could have healed him instantly, sparing his friends and family from the pain of his death. That’s what they wanted, but in the end, what they got was so much better. They didn’t know what that the final outcome would be, but the sisters had faith in Jesus no matter what. They trusted that he had the best for them, even if that meant going through pain.

When I think about my own life, I think of how many different ways Jesus has tried to teach me this lesson. I can make my own plans, but in the end, the Lord directs my steps (Proverbs 16:9). There are so many times when I don’t understand why something didn’t work out, why plans I made fell apart, or why my dreams got broken and shattered. It’s only when I look in the rearview mirror of life that I can see Jesus had something so much better for me ahead, something that I never could have planned on my own. Even things I would never choose have been used to increase my faith and trust. It doesn’t mean there won’t be trials or pain in life, but I know that Jesus meets me where I am and understands everything I experience. I can trust in him no matter what, keeping faith that better things lie ahead.