If you know me, then you know that I love to make plans. I’ve discovered I am highly detail-oriented, which is a skill that I use in both my professional and personal life. I even gravitate toward hobbies that require planning, like running races. I am often that friend in the group who is texting out details, or who has an extra water or snack to share. When a plan comes together and works out well in the end, I feel a sense of contentment. 

Despite my passion for making plans, I was recently thinking about how most people’s lives don’t go exactly as they had planned. This is true even in my own life. Most people do not grow up to work in the profession they dreamed of (e.g. astronaut, athlete, ice cream taster) and there was no exception for me (I wanted to be a ballet dancer). I didn’t go to the college I wanted to attend, but the school I ended up going to was perfect for me. I started down a path toward one major but changed course halfway through. I now have a career in a field that, at that time, I didn’t even know existed. I didn’t get married when I thought I would or to the person that I thought was right for me. 

You could look at my life and think, “Most things didn’t go the way she had planned,” and you would be right – they didn’t! Most people will tell you that their life looks different than they had imagined when they were younger. In many cases, life doesn’t go as we expect, but ultimately, it ends up being better. Someone wiser than me once said, “I wish I had spent less energy trying to get my life to be a certain way – the way I thought it had to be.” Too often we are led to believe that we are in control of our own lives and that we are solely responsible for our happiness, contentment, and success.

It is natural for us to have dreams and desires, to make plans and set goals as we move through life. The problem arises when we become too devoted to a dream, when we fall too deeply in love with the promises it whispers, then we find ourselves going down a dark path. Dreams and desires can lead us to compare and covet, causing us to believe lies that are not true. 

Every person, no matter their age or gender, has likely believed a lie about themselves at some point in their life. The lies we believe typically begin with phrases such as: 

• You can’t _____
• You won’t _____
• You’re not _____
• You’ll never _____
• You are ______
• You will ______
• You have to ______

When we believe lies, they start to form an alternate reality in our minds. We may believe we are “fine” but in reality, we are being held captive. As Dostoevsky describes it in Brothers Karamazov, “Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” When we are stuck believing lies, fear, and anxiety have a strong grip on our hearts. This is why one of the most difficult and important aspects of our spiritual life is developing the ability to recognize, resist, and reject lies. 

When we understand that lies hold us captive, how do we find freedom? The first step is questioning the validity of the claim. Ask yourself, “Do I think that thing I’m believing is true?” You may be able to start this process on your own, but I have found it is most effective to talk through this with a trusted friend or mentor. Not only can they help you identify the lies, but they can also combat those lies with truth. Friends, mentors, and counselors support us in this process as they pray and intercede before God on our behalf. Once the lies have been identified, bring them to God and ask Him to replace the lies in your life with His truth. Make a regular habit of ingesting truth from God’s word, prayer, friends, mentors, and counselors, rather than feeding lies through the internet and social media. 

No matter what age you are, it is never too late to engage in this process and heal from the wounds that lies have left in your life. Spend less of your energy on trying to make your life look a certain way, and getting caught up in a cycle of lies in the process. Spend more of your energy on knowing God and his truth, and discovering the full, fulfilling life of freedom that he has designed specifically for you. 

We often believe the lie that our lives have to look a certain way, but do you want to know the truth? God has a unique timeline for every person’s life, and all of them have a purpose in his kingdom. Take a look at these examples from the Bible: 

• Mary and Joseph were blessed with a child when Mary was a very young woman. They didn’t know exactly what would happen, but they trusted in God. 
• Abraham and Sarah stopped believing they would ever have a family; they were too old – it was impossible. Yet, in God’s perfect timing, he provided them with a son. 
• Paul, a zealous Jew who wanted to kill Jesus’ disciples, was struck blind and ultimately came to believe in Jesus. Paul was not married. As a single man, he went on missionary journeys, established churches in the ancient world, and wrote letters that would define practical applications of the gospel to this day. 
• Matthew was a tax collector and social outsider who was hated by the Jews. Jesus invited Matthew to follow Him as a disciple. He gave up a life of wealth and comfort to discover a life of meaning and true freedom. He recorded Jesus’ ministry in detail in his gospel.

When I read the Bible, I see all kinds of people – men, women, young, old, from a variety of cities and backgrounds. Every person’s life looks different, no one is “behind” or “falling short”. The life of every Christian is unique, according to God’s perfect timing and plan. This concept is true not only for people in the Bible but also for us today. God has desires and a design for every person’s life, and all of them are valid. That means some people will go to college, go to trade schools, travel the world, or start families. Some people get married young, some marry later in life, and some never marry at all. Knowing that God has a unique timeline for every life he has created, including mine, is a beautiful, freeing truth. 

It can be hard to relax our grip on the dreams, desires, and plans we have for our lives. It’s not wrong to make plans, but holding our plans loosely leads to the greatest freedom and flourishing. When we hold our plans loosely, it makes it harder for fear, anxiety, and lies to gain a foothold and take us captive. Holding our plans loosely allows God to set us free, leading us into the life he desires for us, and enabling us to become who we were created to be. We are set free from comparison and coveting when we move from being under the law of sin and into the law of freedom. For, “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36)